Writing About Sex in Romance Novels

I once wrote an erotic short story  for an anthology that was rejected. I was told that I needed to work on my sex scenes. One suggestion the editor made: was to watch porn. Needless to say, I was not going to watch porn, and I decided writing erotica is not for me but writing romance novels was right up my alley.

 When I started to write and self-publish romance novels the question of not having love scenes in them did not come up. Of course, there will be love scenes in them. It was one of the reasons that I loved romances but reading sex scenes and writing them is a different kettle of fish.

My journey of writing sex scenes in my romance stories was awkward at first. Although I have gotten used to writing them, they are not perfect.

First, my sex scenes are short. They are about two or three paragraphs long.

Two, I use the same language in each love scene i.e., he gave her a French kiss in her vagina.

 Three, I use the term vagina and I wonder if it is correct, or should I say something like her love pot.  

Four, I don’t know how to describe a climax. When I do describe it, I say that it is like riding a wave.

 Lastly five, a reviewer once said, my heroines all have blue underwear. So, I guess I need to change the color of my heroine’s underwear.

As you can see, my sex scenes have problems. I have read romances that did not have sex in it, and I enjoyed them. Maybe you need to be an amazing writer to not automatically go to a sex scene to convey an emotional closeness between the heroine and hero.

But in Harlequin, which I hope to publish a romance someday, they have sex scenes in their books except for one particular romance line they have. Writing about sex in romance novels does not come  easy to me, but I think I can get the job done.

I will also say that I believe just using sex scenes to convey closeness between a hero and heroine does not a good romance. It is only one way to show a bond between your characters, but it should not be the only thing dependent on building a relationship between them. I have a few ideas for romance novels where because of the nature of the idea I feel there must be sex scenes in them.

Is it a deal breaker for you whether there is sex in romance novels or not?